YOU SLEEP DURING SEX? When Your Partner Falls Asleep During Sex; Normal Or Abnormal?

Sex is supposed to be fun, enthralling, thrilling and fulfilling but it is not always the case – and one contentious issue with the act is people falling asleep when they are deep into it. One partner falling asleep during sex is perceived as a problem, which elicits all manner of emotions; anger, frustration and to some extent, breakup of the relationship or strain in the marriage!

Here are some stories by persons who have had experiences of their respective partners falling off during sex!

Girlfriend fell asleep during sex?

It was not even late in the evening, it was only about 3pm yesterday. Now we both get into the mood, so I began to give her oral. Then my girlfriend begins to doze off, and I ask her if she is alright. But she tells me to keep going, I figured that if I put it in and starting going a little rough, she would stay awake. Well, halfway through it my girlfriend just fell asleep and I could even hear her snore a little. I felt so bad because I am not even that small, I see myself as the average size. I lost my mood, and I just left my girlfriend’s apartment.

My girlfriend texted me back saying she is sorry and she was really tired. She said she wants to make it up to me tonight. I don’t feel like having sex anymore, I never expected my girlfriend to fall asleep during sex. I have not responded to her, because I am too embarrassed of this situation. What should i say to her and do next with her.

Wife Falling Asleep

Sometimes my wife falls asleep during sex and oral, is this normal? We have been married 15 years and our sex life is fair at best, but now she falls asleep during sex or when I perform oral and snores? Is this normal? She I just keep going or stop?

Boyfriend Falls Asleep

So my boyfriend of 7 months and I were hanging out and he initiated the sex. I got on top and we started going at it. It was about a few minutes into it and then i hear snoring wtf?!?! So I look at him to make sure this isn’t what I’m hearing and sure enough he was sleeping and snoring! I watched him for a little bit to prove to myself that he was indeed sleeping, then I said hey are you sleeping?!?! He opens his eyes gets angry and says I know what I was doing what are you talking about? I said then what was that noise you were making? He says I was thinking of something funny. I said you’re a liar so I got off and went to the bathroom. I come back in after a few minutes and he’s snoring in the bedroom again! I say you know what I’m leaving, he jumps up asks why and I say are you kidding me? Are you seriously going to ask me that question? I leave and when I get home i start to think. This was pretty embarrassing. Was I so boring that he fell asleep? I mean you’ve got to be on the verge of death to fall asleep during sex. On top of it all he gets mad at me and lies about falling asleep! We were lying next to each other for an hour and he never once fell asleep, and he was the one who initiated the sex and he fell asleep?!?!? I am really embarrassed so I haven’t spoken to him since earlier today. What should I think?

The Theory

Falling asleep after sex is common, but falling, sleeping and staying asleep during sex is another matter. The condition is called sexsomnia.

What is Sexsomnia?

Sexsomnia occurs when a person is asleep and yet proceeds to initiate sexual activity with their bedmate. Sexsomnia is also known as “somnambulistic sexual behaviour”.

The first use of “sexsomnia” for this condition was by Dr C M Shapiro and two colleagues from the Sleep Alertness Clinic of the University of Toronto and the Toronto Western Hospital in a June 2003 article in the Canadian Journal of Psychiatry. Sexsomnia is described as a mix of sleepwalking and adolescent wet dreams.

According to the researchers, amazingly, not all partners of sexsomniacs are distressed or irritated by the novel experience of having an unconscious person make love to them. In fact, some seem to prefer it. The researchers describe sexsomnia as a “distinct variation” of sleepwalking.

The researchers discovered it by interviewing patients referred to their sleep clinic for normal sleep-related problems. According to the Shapiro team, “[o]nly subsequently did the issue of sexual behaviour during sleep emerge”, although they noted prior cases of indecent exposure during sleep.

They add: “We anticipate that the number of potential cases is large but sexual behavioUr in sleep is not yet recognised by physicians as a behaviour of note or a problem.”

There were 11 case studies, mostly male. One married man, aged 35, had sexual dreams and “enacts these by having intercourse with his wife, who is convinced he is asleep…[he] is only aware of his behaviour from his wife’s reports”.

Two girlfriends of another man, aged 43, “independently confirmed that he frequently engages in sexual behaviour while asleep”. One describes him as a “different person” during these activities – apparently he is a more amorous and gentle lover and more orientated towards satisfying his partner.

By contrast, another man, aged 37, according to his wife is “more aggressive and more amorous. He indulges in behaviours while asleep that he does not undertake when awake…there is no stopping him. But when he once grabbed her neck, she had to slap him.”

In the May 2006 Journal of Clinical Forensic Medicine, Dr I O Ebrahim of the London Sleep Centre describes a recent sexsomnia case in England “where the defendant was acquitted on three charges of rape on the basis of automatism due to somnambulistic sexual behaviour”.


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