“Am I in love with him or the idea of him?” is such a common phrase you probably hear people say all the time.
Until we are in the situation with someone we’re dating where we have to truly ask ourselves the question, we never really think much about what it means. And when we do, it’s usually hard to tell the difference between loving someone or loving the idea of them.
If you’re confused about how to know if you love someone, here are 5 signs you’re really in love with the idea of being in a relationship with him instead.
1. You’re trying to fill a void.
This requires a lot of thinking and a lot of soul searching so it may be emotionally draining.
Are you trying to find companionship or intimacy with someone because you miss having a body to be next to? Are you seeking validation from someone else? And are you just looking to fill up your time?
Regardless, if you think you are trying to fill an empty space, you probably are, which means you probably only like the idea of them to fill a void and that’s it.
2. The more time you spend together the less you enjoy it.
When you genuinely are romantically interested in someone you will quickly notice how much they enhance your life and how experiences become so much more special even if they are simple.
Love helps us learn to be humans and bring out or emotions the most. You can’t substitute that feeling with anyone else.
By seeing this person a lot and either feeling bored or not that excited about life, it’s a good sign that you are just interested in the idea of them. You should be thrilled to go shopping with your interest simply because you just get to spend more time with them.
3. You can’t seem to get over their imperfections.
Obviously, when you spend a lot of time with your partner you learn a lot about their quirks. If you truly love someone you can fairly easily accept them for who they are. Otherwise, those annoying traits, such as; angry, stubborn, negative, controlling, and selfish, will drive you up the wall.
If you sort of tolerate them but notice they are there all the time, you are probably interested in the idea of them.
4. You don’t feel like the complete you.
If you don’t feel like your partner is fulfilling your expectations of satisfaction and completion, there’s a good chance you aren’t interested in them.
When you’re with someone you should be complete on a deeper emotional level. But if there are roadblocks that keep preventing you from diving that deep together, then something is holding you back.
Yes, you need to feel complete as an individual, but you should also feel complete as a couple too.
5. You unknowingly expect them to do all of the work by complaining.
Relying on a relationship to fix your emotions basically means that your relationship is doomed from the start. Using someone else as an adjustment during a specific period in your life won’t work. On the flip side, you also shouldn’t rely on your partner for bringing everything into the relationship. While you just sit back and make them work.
Relationships are about balance and if this sounds like you, you might just want someone to fulfill you specifically in any given way rather than being in a deep-rooted commitment to them.
It’s super hard to determine if you are interested in the person or just the idea of them, but these tips should help you dig a little deeper to figure out your situation a little easier.
Obviously, if you find yourself mentally making excuses or having to deflect any of these points I think the answer is obvious you’re in love with the idea of them, not the person.
This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.