It’s not a big secret: There is a difference between making love and having sex. That said, if you haven’t experienced it for yourself, you may not be entirely sure what exactly those differences are. Or you may just not be sure if what you are experiencing is making love or having sex. Sometimes, the line can get a little blurry.
One of the best things about being in a loving, committed relationship is the act of making love, as much and as often as possible! Sure, it’s fun to just get down and dirty and do some nasty thing with your partner, but making love, with all the emotion and romance that entails, is one of the best feelings in the world. And it makes you feel more connected to your partner than almost anything else.
There is room for both f*cking and making love. If you have a partner that you can’t f*ck and only make love to, or vice versa, you’ve got the wrong partner.
A hearty and fulfilling sex life has a little of both, and most of the time, couples go through stages in which they’re “making love” all the time or “f*cking” all the time. It’s simply part of the life cycle of the relationship.
But in the early stages of the relationship, it’s when the cycle happens rapidly. Sometimes, if you’re with a new partner and wondering where it’s going, you’ll start to analyze the sex. Is it just banging, or is he connecting with you?
Bottom line: Is it f*cking or making love? Here are the differences.
- When you’re making love, your vulnerability levels are high.
When you’re making love, the vulnerability level is high. People start to share words and feelings that they didn’t before. Don’t be surprised if her eyes, or yours, well up a little. This is when both of you let down your guard. This is when risk and reward comes into play.
Do you tell him you love him? Do you tell her you love her? Are you becoming so close that it’s difficult and scary? Are you becoming so close that it’s hard to imagine any other moments happening without him or her? This is making love.
- When you’re f*cking, the vulnerabilities are there, too… it’s just different.
On the flip side, when you’re f*cking, the vulnerabilities lie in the two of you sharing some freaky stuff that might make the other person turned off. If your freak flag doesn’t fly with this new partner’s, the party shuts down. The vulnerabilities lie in: Is the sex going to suck? Are we going to lose chemistry? If I let my sexual needs show, will they be received well, or not?
When you’re making love the risk comes in: Are we both feeling the same way? Are we both seeking the same relationship goal? Either way, the vulnerabilities exist on both sides.
- When you’re making love, you’re all you.
When you’re making love, you become your most genuine and raw self, but it’s a core part of you that exists every day. That love. That feeling. If you’re into hardcore S&M and like to be dominated, it doesn’t mean you’re like this at work or with friends; in fact, it’s typically the opposite.
- When you’re f*cking, you can become someone new.
You don’t have to be the person you are in every day life. You can be a sadist, a masochist, a cross-dresser or anything your sexual heart desires. F*cking is a space in which partners show different sides of themselves that they may never show in public. This is where sexual taste brings out hidden personality aspects.
- When you’re making love, saying goodbye is always at stake.
Love isn’t always forever. Love isn’t always requited. When you make love, you’re feeling deep within yourself — and I’m not talking about the vagina, but in your heart and soul. A place that can only be touched by those you let inside. So when you make love with someone, there’s a chance that they might not feel that a “goodbye” could come, will come, or is coming.
There’s a risk involved in getting that close. When you f*ck, there’s a freedom there that doesn’t exist with all that “making love” stuff.
- When you’re f*cking, you don’t need to say goodbye.
You can f*ck someone long, good and hard, and if you never see the person again life goes on. You’re able to move on just fine because you weren’t necessarily looking to be committed to this person.
- When you’re making love, being nice is essential.
It better be nice and sweet when you’re making love to someone, otherwise, you’re not exactly making love.
- But when you’re f*cking, it doesn’t need to be tender or nice.
If you’re f*cking, it doesn’t have to be super-sweet and nice. You can even be mean to each other. You can be raunchy and dirty. The filthiest part of you that you want no one to see, except for the person you’re f*cking.
9. The Motivation Is Different
When you’re having sex, your primary motivation is (let’s be real) to get off. Sure, you usually want to get your hands on some hot piece of human, and you may even like to play in different ways, but at the end of the day, you want to have an orgasm.
When making love, it’s not that getting off isn’t important, too (because it’s always great, obviously), but the primary motivation is to connect on an emotional level with your partner. Making love means you delight in exploring your partner’s body and mind and heart, not just because you are trying to have an orgasm, but because you are trying to share a seriously intimate connection with them.
Making love might take hours, and you may even decide the orgasm wasn’t your goal. It’s all about deepening your connection and growing your love.
10. The Communication Is Different
When you’re having sex, it’s not uncommon for some dirty words to enter the vocabulary. Even if you aren’t a fan of sexy talk, the communication during sex is often mostly about who is about to have an orgasm, when, how hard, etc.
When you’re making love, though, this all changes. It’s not that dirty talk still isn’t possible in making love, it’s more that it is held up by loving, emotional words. Making love often gives couples the ability to be very open with each other, and gives them the perfect space for talking about how much they love each other.
Although it may sound weird, making love is one of my favorite times to connect with my husband verbally, too. There’s just something about the atmosphere that makes it feel perfect to open up with our words.